The Following, I definitely did NOT write by myself.

As y'all already know, I'm a total plagiarist. I even work sweat copying the cover page by hand. Perfectionist too.

Anyways, here's a lil advice something someone somewhere once told me:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

[laughs]

If you can't dazzle them with briliance, baffle them with bullshit.

I* noticed that driving is commutative. People in the back seat cause accidents, and accidents in the back seat cause people.

[laughs and a few claps]

All I* want, for my dream offer, is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done...

[laughs, claps and farts]

Settle disputes by RPSSL:
-Scissor cuts paper
-Paper covers rock
-Rock crushes lizard
-Lizard poisons Spock
-Spock smashes scissors
-Scissors decapacitate lizard
-Lizard eats paper
-Paper disproves Spock
-Spock vaporises rock
-As always, rock crushes scissors...

[LMAO-style-laughs, bullet-spray-style-claps, and er...]

All opinions I* hold equal. Only, some are more equal than the others...
So if you have an opinion, raise your hand, and put it in your mouth.

[deafening roars**, deafening thunderclaps, and deafening...HOLY!! WAS THAT A HUMAN?!!]

At first, God said

del x E = -dB/dt
div D = δ
div B = 0
del x H = j + dD/dt

and there was light...

[sudden murmurs from the spiritual section, drowned out soon by following laughs,claps and A-bombs]

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach him how to create an artificial shortage of fish, he'll eat steak!

[angry yells, few claps. A-bombs continue. Upgrading is in progress...]

I* want to die peacefully in my sleep, like that racer uncle of mine. Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in the back seat...

[boos begin. Few risk to clap. Still the A-bombs. Need to finish fast. Oxygen tank half-empty already. Not half-full, no way. I'm getting out asap.]

The Pringlez*** paradox: The box reads-'Once you pop, you cannot stop.' Yet it comes with a resealable lid.

[claps slowly gain volume again. Something's definitely fishy here. Smells like...Where's the sink?]

Q. How many mathematicians does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. Let L be a finite set containing all the light-bulbs in a 4 dimensional minkowski hyperspace...

[half the seats are suddenly empty. :?]

Q. What has 152 teeth and holds back The Incredibul Hluk***?
A. [long pause... Sam meets Liz now... Oki, their baby's here. The answer is] My Zipper.

[half of half the seats are empty now. :??]

Q. How many Mircosoft*** employees does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. 21. 1 to change it, 3 to write it up as a new useful feature, 2 to blame you for using a non-standard socket and 15 to ensure Mircosoft*** gets $2 for any bulb ever changed in the world.

[research complete. Upgrade to N-bomb now available]

Q. How many environmentalists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. 11. 1 to do it, and 10 to give guest lectures on how to dispose of the old one efficiently.

[upgrade complete. Firing in 5 and counting...]

{Honestly, the following is probably the best one i could have ever come up with}

Q. How many dedicated, humble, unswerving VIT professors, who know their subject well, and teach to impart knowledge to the students, does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. Both of them.

[oops. Wrong button. Oki, here goes. In 5 and counting...]

Q. How many mafia dudes does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. 9. 1 to change the bulb, 3 to kill the witnesses without leaving any evidence, and 5 to hide the bodies.

[BOOM!!! &$%#ing GROSS!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!!!]




*The "someone somewhere"

**Of laughter

***To protect myself from trademark infringement lawsuits.